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The Top 10 Tolerations You Can Get Rid Of
by Susan Dunn

1. Drifting.
Most of us start out the day with Intentionality, i.e., we're full of things we want to accomplish. Then one thing leads to another, we start reacting to the requests and demands of others that pull us off track, and the tension builds. Sticking with our Intentionality is the key.

2. Hating to say "no" or being unable to say "no."
There are times when we wish there were more of us to go around, but there isn't. Most of us like to say "yes," but we need to learn to say "no." And to say it without hesitation, guilt , explanation or apology. When we apologize we give ourselves mixed messages.

3. Being inflexible about our needs.
Learn to operate from "preferences," rather than "needs," i.e., be flexible. There's really very little you can't get along without, if you think about it. You might prefer if it were sunny and you were sitting on a beach in the Bahams, but it isn't, and you're not, and you're doing just fine. There are all sorts of emotional conditions you think you "need" that fit in the same category.

4. Having a dysfunctional social network.
Negative and demanding people sap our energy. If you have an excessive need to be needed in order to feel good about yourself, and therefore tolerate people who are sucking you dry, change this. Stop meeting their needs and unreasonable demands, and stop letting them into your life. Building a strong and supportive social network is an emotional intelligence competency.

5. Running on empty.
Emotional intelligence means living your life in such a way that you have reserves. It means taking care of yourself first. These can be reserves of energy, love, money, or time, or any other sort of resource. Put your own oxygen mask on first.

6. Being fragmented.
Not operating from an Integrated Self results in lying to ourselves and others--staying in a marriage that doesn't work, or staying in a job we hate, or tolerating people around us we don't like. It means exaggerating our skills and attributes to others and presenting a false life from a false sense of self. Worst of all, it keeps us from knowing ourselves, and self-awareness is the keystone of emotional intelligence.

7. Agonizing over decisions and thinking too much.
Most important decisions need to be based on our feelings. Learning to use your intuition is a much more effective and efficient way to make a decision than to get stuck in "analysis paralysis."

8. Judging.
Being judgmental is a tremendous waste of energy. It will pull you off task, alienate people, and damage you as well, because when we judge others, we put judgment into the equation, and must therefore judge ourselves. This is time-consuming and energy-draining!! Forgive others, and be relentlessly and adamantly self-forgiving.

9. Ravaging ourselves with anger.
Emotions are our guides and we need to let them flow through us, experiencing them but not getting stuck. When you're angry--don't express, don't suppress, process and confess! All studies show that expressing anger only makes it worse and is very damaging to your emotional and physical health. You can continue to be angry and do battle, but remember--to the victor goes the heart attack!

10. Giving up, feeling defeated.
Building our resilience muscle helps us bounce back from setbacks, failures and losses. It helps us bounce bak faster and higher. Having an optimistic attitude is the facilitator of all the other emotional intelligence competencies.

Susan Dunn may be contacted at

Susan Dunn, MA, The EQ Coach, , Coaching, Internet courses and ebooks around emotional intelligence for your personal and professional success. Coach Certification Program - fast, affordable, no-residency, training coaches worldwide. Email for free ezine.



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